Goodbye CS GO

I’ve always loved Counter Strike. I don’t exactly remember the time I started playing Counter Strike, but I distinctly remember a couple of phases in my life where I’ve played Counter Strike seriously. The first time was when was in my last year of college. Ten of my close friends used to stay back after our CS lab exams and play Counter Strike. The lab assistants would also join us sometimes. It was overall fun. The second time in my life where I started playing Counter Strike like crazy was at Infosys Mysore campus when I was there for my training just after college. We had players all over India, especially a lot of them from Bengaluru and Jaipur. I remember being surprised how good some of the folks were. There was no CS GO yet, we were playing CS 1.7 on LAN. I also used to remember playing with my best buddy Govardhan, just two of us on weekends while I was there.

The next time I started playing Counter Strike was to avoid some personal problems in my life around 2015. Then, I played some more Counter Strike when I moved to Denver since well, I had a lot of time in my hands.

I started with Arms Race, because why not. It was a very good way for me to get a hang of weapons. I was pushing 26 years then. I played for a couple of months and then left it.

Then, I started playing CS GO again in 2017 when I moved to Edison. Not being single anymore, pursuing masters, I realized there is something wrong when I started playing the compulsively in Edison and then, when I moved to Cupertino. I was just not able to concentrate on my masters. I felt that I was addicted to the game. I guess it was the dopamine rush that you get when you hit perfect headshots. With the help of my lovely wife, I was finally able to get rid of playing the game for ~9 months.

Like the ten headed monster the urge to play the game resurfaced. This time more aggressively than before. Pushing 29, I already knew my reflexes weren’t as good as they were before, but that didn’t deter me from stopping to play. I thought I could climb the ropes and get into the Gold Nova at least. The pattern of ignoring my life, my loved ones, and my masters started becoming the norm. It felt that all I was doing was to look forward to play the game, and everything I did was somehow linked to playing the game in the end.

I was thinking this the last few days and I realized that it’s time for me to accept that if I keep playing the comp and putting in the hours that I’m, it’s only going to be a uphill battle for me. Pushing 30 now I don’t think my reflexes are ever going to be better. Probably my game sense would increase, but without those reflexes, I don’t think I’m going to be that top 10-20% of all players world wide (Master Guardian).

I put around 2000hrs overall in the game. They say age is just a number, sure. For you to enjoy something, yes, age is just a number. You can enjoy any game at any age. But I realize, for me, I don’t know if I really enjoy the game anymore. It is always the rush of dopamine, always the feeling to get better at the game. I think it’s time to stop this addiction, and concentrate on other things in life.

At the time of writing this, I’m in the skill group of Silver Elite Master and reaching my 5 year anniversary playing CS GO this December. I always loved playing Counter Strike because it is one of the few games that need skill and follow very specific and simple rules.

Lastly, Game Addiction is very real. If you feel the “rush” to play a game, if you do things in life with the end-goal of playing this game, or think about the game often in your day or, ignore other important things in your life, you may be suffering with Game Addiction. And if you are, you should tell your loved ones that you are addicted to games, and take their help in overcoming it before it ruins your life. There are lot of resources online, too.

So long, Counter Strike.